The Wisdom of a Mistake

Try again. Fail again. Fail better. -Samuel Beckett

Mistakes? We all make them. If you're not making mistakes, chances are you are not growing and developing. If you're not growing and developing, then chances are you are shrinking. Personally or organizationally there is a word for this. We call it dying. Mistakes are actually a sign of life and vitality. The secret is not whether you make mistakes; it's whether you make smart mistakes. A client calls this "Failing on purpose"--making mistakes in service of one's mission. It has also been called "failing forward".

The issue is not whether we make mistakes, it's the response. That is what we do after the mistake occurs. Is it one of honest assessment or hiding through blame-shifting and obfuscation? Are we direct with our ownership or do we move into collapse, drama or justification? Whatever the reaction, the intention is to deflect ownership, and that lack of admittance is generally based in one thing--fear. Fear of looking foolish. Fear of loss of standing or status. Fear of consequence or punishment.

Fear, of course, is an emotional quality neither conducive for creativity nor sustainable growth. It is stultifying and limits the ability to respond proactively, instead creating an environment of reactivity, protection and self-interest. Fear pollutes even the best of intentions, limits thinking and saps energy. A fearful organization like an individual is generally not good. In short bursts for survival? Yes. But over time, fear's one purpose, biologically and psychically, is to constrict. This won't work for creative growth. Fear's impact limits the ability to respond thoughtfully and with full accountability. A local farmer said it best, "Don't scare the chickens. They'll stop laying the eggs!"

The goal is to move from "perfection" to "excellence". This was well-defined by anthropologist Angeles Arrien. "Perfection", she said, "doesn't tolerate mistakes. Excellence incorporates them." Mistakes are OK, as long as they have purpose and are on purpose.

One way an organization can do this is to follow three rules. It's important that all three be valued and used, and that leaders are impeccable in modeling what they are asking of their people. Without this modeling, and careful hand holding for at least one year, a fear-based approach will generally tend to seep back in. Fear is a powerful unconscious force in this world, based on ancient, genetic survival. Fight-flight is a real thing. To shift it's potential grip requires vigilance, risk and above all, courage.

Here are three rules for creating a culture that uses mistakes effectively.

Rule #1: Always report a mistake in it's entirety, as soon as you can. Own it fully, without "prettying it up" or excessive self-flagellation. The goal is to honestly, and completely bring to light this mistake. A client calls this non-emotional assessment, the "honest autopsy".

Rule #2: Describe in detail your plan to make sure it doesn't happen again. The intention is to make sure you or anyone else doesn’t repeat the mistake. Even the best among us err. Unless it's a life-threatening issue, rarely is anything eternal at stake. It's the repeated pattern of the same error that will deaden the future. Consider Winston Churchill when he said, "Success is going from failure to failure with unrelenting concentration."

Rule #3: Communicate your mistake and it's learning by teaching it to your peers. This is usually the forgotten rule, but the most essential. Think of a mistake like a college tuition. It's real value is in how learning is passed along, leveraged, and inevitably used. The price paid is the error, but it's positive impact can only be fully realized if shared among peers and others.

"Mistakes are the portals of discovery," wrote James Joyce. A great culture knows this, values the learning that can occur, and encourages failure on purpose.

When Projection Seduces

My wife is a community artist. Among other things she makes giant puppets. One of her creations is a likeness of President Obama. During the campaign, the Obama puppet was requested at a campaign rally sponsored by an old friend (that’s him in the photo).

After speeches from local New Hampshire luminaries, it was announced with much fanfare, “Let’s hear it for the next president of the United States…Barack Obama!” I then appeared from a side entrance to about 300 people wearing the giant Obama puppet (this is what husbands of community artists do in their free time).

Totally hidden under the frame, I was completely swarmed by mothers with their children, fathers with cameras and lots and lots of enthusiastic energy. The amount of adulation I received was stunning. People were lined up 30 deep to have a photo. The energy was palpable, and even though I was blind under 20 pounds of papier-mâché, the projected desire of so many people to get a little piece of "Obama", even if was only a painted puppet, was something I didn't remotely anticipate. Frankly, it was overwhelming.

Afterward all I could think was, “What kind of projection must the real Obama get?”

Rabbi John Moskowitz, senior rabbi at Toronto’s famous Holy Blossom synagogue said, “Projection is the biggest challenge that people in power face and most leaders don’t have the awareness to deal with it.”

I couldn’t agree more.

Many leaders either are unaware of the issue of projection, or don’t know how to handle it. They confuse their public persona with their private self, and as a consequence are ripe for seduction of the ego. Don’t think it’s a problem? A Google search of the phrase “political scandal” provided 840,000 hits. “Religious scandal” 8.5 million” hits and “Business scandal 2009” over 24 million hits.

Freud referred to projection as the unconscious act of a person's own attributes, thoughts, and emotions, being ascribed to another person or people. Projection is one of the most profound and subtle of human psychological processes, and extremely difficult to grasp, because by its nature, it is hidden. While much damage has been done in this world through negative projection, i.e. Nazism, Apartheid, genocide, for many leaders positive projection can also be extremely seductive and soul corrupting. After awhile it can be a challenge to resist the temptation to believe one’s own press. Thus, the more power or influence one has, the more critical vigilance becomes.

I’ve learned the following three strategies from a number of religious, political and business leaders. They are worth considering for anyone who has impact over others.

Organize your defenses without being defensive. Some of the best leaders I know are acutely aware of the need to set clear boundaries in public forums. Beyond their confidence and belief in mission, they know distance can occasionally be a good thing. That unless clear boundaries are set, energy, time and attention will sap them of their focus and clarity. They enter into public situations with a mindset of “I want to connect…but not too much” and prepare themselves by staying aware of the emotional needs of others no matter how well intentioned, and maintaining a healthy respect for the power of projection.

Have real friends. Friends who know you versus your reputation are a godsend, especially those relationships established before a rise of fame or position. The question one needs to ask is, “Who do I trust?” That means not only who will tell you the truth, but also with whom can you be completely vulnerable. Every confident leader I’ve known had a few select people they let into their private world. Someone to share a scotch, dance or go on vacations. These friends are the one’s who listen to complaints, provide personal advice, and can be brutally honest on long walks when balance is needed. At the heart of this friendship is the notion that it is reciprocal. That even if fame and power is held more by one than the other, the relationship "feels" equal because what is offered by the other is a gift that has no price. The gift of truth.

Develop an inner life. The stronger your core, the clearer you will be in those moments of potential ego seduction and thus able to separate what is real from what is the unconscious need of others. The theologian Meister Eckhart said, “The outer work will never be great if the inner work is small." Any practice that supports calm response versus emotional reactivity is a good thing. Meditation, long walks in nature, and time in prayer or gratitude, all help develop a strong and clear discernment process that let's in what is needed and dismisses that which is not.

Anthropologist Angeles Arrien advises that leaders make themselves a student to someone else at least once every season. To literally put themselves in the role of a learner, and not the expert or focus of others adulation and attention. It doesn't matter what, whether learning to snowboard, paint or do stand-up comedy. The important thing is to be humbled by the process and in so doing authenticate our common humanity. This, Arrien states, helps prevent over attachment to one’s role, and reduces what she calls, “the mischief of the ego”.

In the end, to know who one is, and who one is not, no matter what the Greek chorus may sing, is the most important safeguard. Bulgarian philosopher Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov said it well when he wrote, "If you see to it each day that your conduct is impeccable, the following day will be completely clear, and you will be free to carry out your plans, always vigilant that you leave no loose ends. In this way, each new day will find you free and well disposed."